A rabbit and a horse

I was at a friend’s wedding in 2009 – her sister was her bridesmaid and was asked to do the reading. Usually when I think of a wedding reading, it’s a bible verse or a traditional blessing from India or something along those lines – so it came as a surprise to hear the one her sister chose.

Sitting in a little chapel in Kei Mouth, on a blustery Saturday afternoon in October, I listened to the words she read out. I hung on to them, processed them, and tried my damndest to remember them.

The reading was taken from a child’s story book – Velveteen Rabbit – not a book I had  read. You see, reading wasn’t on my list of priorities as a child, much to my mom’s dismay – climbing a tree or dressing my dolls over and over were much more appealing. It’s only nowadays that I realise how much I missed out, and I plan to make it up to myself (reading that is) – one day.

When coming up with a name for my Blog – i went back to that day, and remembered the reading. I remembered that it was all about being real, and what it would feel like to be real. This was asked by a toy rabbit to a skin horse.

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit. "Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."

I realise that through this process of being heard, having a voice, and standing up for what I believe in, I may hurt people along the way, and in turn I may get hurt. But at least if we’re all feeling something, then we’re all still Real!

What I did omit to include in my first post what that the editor did offer me an editorial in the magazine down the line – which I was really excited about. I’m not sure what it was going to be about, but through that I do know that the magazine covers real people’s stories. I know this because I read the magazine. My point was that what was on the cover isn’t translating into what’s in the magazine – as is the case with most magazines on the shelves – but is this right? I’ll leave it there.

Here’s the rest of the reading.

xxx

N

VELVETEEN RABBIT by Margery Williams

(this starts at the point when the Skin Horse and the Rabbit are talking)

The Skin Horse had lived longer in the nursery than any of the others. He was so old and most of the hairs in his tail had been pulled out to string bead necklaces. For nursery magic is very strange and wonderful, and only those playthings that are old and wise and experienced like the Skin Horse understand all about it.

"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in your joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

"I suppose you are real?" said the Rabbit. And then he wished he had not said it, for he thought the Skin Horse might be sensitive. But the Skin Horse only smiled.

"The Boy's Uncle made me Real," he said. "That was a great many years ago; but once you are Real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always."

The Rabbit sighed. He thought it would be a long time before this magic called Real happened to him. He longed to become Real, to know what it felt like; and yet the idea of growing shabby and losing his eyes and whiskers was rather sad. He wished that he could become it without these uncomfortable things happening to him.

A letter to a child

A close friend of mine, Tracey,  keeps a journal for her children. I think it’s such a wonderful idea, and something we should all be doing. Whether or not they read it one day is up to them, but children grow up so fast, it’s impossible to remember every single special moment and milestone they experience with us – and this is such an awesome way of remember for ourselves too!

After reading my first blog post, Tracey shared the below entry with me, which she gave me permission to share here.

An entry from May 2010 to my daughter who was about 15 months old at the time:
"...you are such a delight to us Erin. Truly a blessing. I am so thankful that God trusted me to be your mom. I feel an enormous sense of responsibility in this though...this world is not an easy place for young ladies finding themselves...there are so many unrealistic, unhealthy images/messages out there...my darling Erin, you are beautiful, precious, worthy of respect, with so much to offer this world...may you never feel that your worth needs to be sought in others' impression of you. Love yourself. be kind and respectful to yourself. Seek beauty.. know you were created intentionally and lovingly...and should be treated with care and respect. Your true worth lies in the beauty of your heart, your thoughts, how you act on these and not in these externals of ours which, no matter what you try, will droop, and wrinkle, and grey, and redistribute beautifully...telling a story of its own. (p.s. I love the stretch skin of my belly, my belly button which never found its way back, and my slightly drooped breasts...they tell the story of carrying an nursing you and Matthew... I am a mother! And I could shout that joy and privilege to the world)"

This is so real, and so true.

Take a look at this Youtube video entitled Onslaught by Dove… makes you think doesn’t it.

Take two

I was just about finished with this - my first-ever blog post - when that unexpected ‘save changes’ thingy-ma-bob’ popped up and I clicked ‘no’. *Sigh*

So I’m starting again, everything happens for a reason right? Right, which is why I am sitting here, on a random Wednesday evening in March, with an instruction to myself to be the change I want to see in the world!

I am busy with a six week course, rather intensive I might add, which is all about setting intentions, and making them happen. This requires a lot of mind-power, a lot of support, but most importantly, the belief that I can make this happen, by simply communicating. Well since this is what I do for a living as a PR consultant, I again thought, how hard can this really be. The industry I work in is a little flawed, there are good days and bad (mostly good), and a lot of what I do (not all of what I do) revolves around getting publicity for my clients in media applicable to the industries in which I operate. In other words, when you read an article about the launch of an iPad for example, 99% of the time it has been developed and secured by a PR agency. Also, when you read about a success story in a magazine about someone, that’s probably also secured via a PR agency. So now that you know a little bit about what I do, I’ll carry on with the intention thing.

The intention has to be something that excited me, but made me shit myself at the same time. It had to make my heart pound and palms sweat, but the thought of achieving it had to make me want to burst. You’re thinking sky diving, bungee jumping – nah, not for me, doesn’t interest me in the slightest. I chose an intention that I never thought possible, it was so out of the blue and seemed so unachievable, but I said it anyway. I wanted to be on the cover of a magazine, the April issue to be precise, with my baby girl (no guessing it’s a mommy mag). So I put it out there because, like I said before, nothing is achieved without communication.

I contacted the editor, sent her my story, my motivation to be on the cover and what I thought at the time was a pretty accurate pic of my little lady and myself.

 

And then I waited. Not for long however, and the response was along the lines of “thanks for your mail, like the approach etc etc – and then this “We would really need to see latest pics of you and your baby, so if you can get those to me this week that would be great. The decision is dependent on our stylist and art director, so it’s not just in my hands. We are also trying to feature more professional models than “real moms” (if you know what I mean) as per our new direction. But please send pics and we can take it from there.”

Well it wasn’t a NO, right??? But then I read the email again and re-read it, and the part that was bugging the shit out of me was the professional model blurb. I mean why? Do professional models help the magazine industry sell more magazines, which in turn depresses the readers as these people are so not real. Sure they’re gorgeous, skinny, pimple-less, flawless objects of perfection, but on a Mommy and baby magazine – seriously??? Do you have to be a size 8 four months after giving birth, because that is what this industry is telling us in normal? Whose normal? How scary and how sad.

Anyway, in my ignorance and clouded by the disillusion that she wasn’t really being serious about this whole professional model jibe, off I went, and had a ‘professional’ shoot done, trying to mimic a magazine cover, hahahahaha – I really wanted to do this the proper way, to make sure I had covered all my bases, and be on the cover. And this was the result:

I even agreed to having the moles on my arms and chest removed (well most of them anyway) – because that’s how far the airbrushing goes in the industry. I see a few were missed. I sent a selection of pics on a Friday, and again I waited, and waited. And waited. No news is good news right? Wrong! Monday afternoon and there is was, the response I was so excited to open. This was all I saw - Unfortunately we won’t be using you for the cover – I’m so sorry for this, but as mentioned our new directive is to use professional models.

Now this is where something triggered in me. I wasn’t upset about not getting the cover, it was the professional model crap again. In a world where women suffer every day from major self-esteem issues, weight problems (both big and small), unreasonable aspirations to be a perfect 10, where messages about looking beautiful glamorous, sexy, gorgeous, thin are thrown at us every day – what happened to being real? Or is this the new real?

I don’t think so, and I refuse to accept this. What is it going to take for the world to realise that no one is perfect. That being a mom is one of the most cherished and sacred privileges for a woman to experience and be – and with all this we're constantly told that you’re none of this until you look like a model. What a joke!

This blog is for real people, it's for those of you who see straight through those covers and know inside that you are truly beautiful just the way you are!

Keep it real!
N

Dedicated to my beautiful daughter Alexis Olivia, perfect and flawless in every way!