Don’t sweat the small stuff

So many of us do it, so many of us choose to do it – working, running and raising a family (with dad’s help of course), socialising, seeing friends and family – we make it look easy, we take it in our stride. We call ourselves super-moms, or just moms – whatever your beat – we manage.

Or do we?

I chose to go back to work four months into my little person’s life. I hired a nanny, got my ducks in a row, and off I went. I thought it’d be easy, I made it look easy. But deep down inside, there was this sinking, lingering pressure – a pressure i couldn’t quite describe or pinpoint, but something I knew was there – all the time.

I structured my work-life balance so that there was time in the afternoon to spend with my baby, to watch her grow, thrive, learn, and reach all those amazing milestones. But this feeling grew, and every time I was 5 minutes late – or had to be somewhere which made me even later – this horrible angst continued to grow. So I started reading up about it - as you do – on Dr. Google. And low and behold, something you have probably all heard of before was revealed – a sneaky, unavoidable thing called ‘mother’s guilt’ was my problem. I had heard of it, and thought it’d never happen to me. But it did, and continues to creep up on me daily if I don’t spend the time with my daughter that she deserves.

I go away on holiday, or a business trip without her of course – and guess who accompanies me – mother’s guilt, I go for a girl’s lunch and spend an extra hour chatting and catching up, or having a glass of vino – and guess who’s right there beside me, yip, mother’s guilt. I hide it well, I pretend it doesn’t bother me, but it does, and I carry it wherever I go. This big fat red lobster that is attached to my (widened) hips.

I wonder if dad’s feel this – father’s guilt? please shed some light on this for me if you – as a dad, happen to read this and ever experience this kind of feeling ?

Every now and again, I secretly LOVE going out, getting away, spending an hour or two alone – and that makes me – normal! I know that now, and as long as I do take time for me, I am able to be the mother I am supposed to be.

So, in all my (rather limited) wisdom, I have realised that it’s ok to feel all of this, it’s ok to go away, and it’s ok to need me-time. Without these things, I think I’d go insane, and that would be far worse than the hour or day I spend away from my motherly duties – in fact - it probably makes me an even better mom!

Almost a year into my new role as a mom, I am still searching for that perfect definition of balance, a tempered definition of normal, and a way to describe the love I have for a tiny person who looks at me and smiles every time I walk through the door – on time or two hours late. We could all learn from this unconditional love that is inherent in every child, and realise, not to sweat the small stuff!

Keep it real!

N

xx