Going to the chapel–a multi-billion dollar empire

 

I’m no expert on being married, I’ve only been married for 3,5 years now – but I have been with Spen for over 12 years, so I’d like to think I know something about what it means to be in a committed, loving relationship.

There’s so much pressure that society places on us though once we have met our matches, to get on with things as dictated by how things have always been done. Things like getting engaged, getting married, changing your surname, buying a house, having a kid, having another kid, becoming successful, staying married, growing old together and so the story goes on.

The one thing that really gets to me though, is the pressure put on couples to have the perfect wedding day – whether it comes form themselves, or from society, it’s still there.

I also understand that a lot of brides want a fairy tale wedding, myself included, but at what expense? And I’m not just talking financially.

Planning a wedding is an incredibly stressful ordeal. There are so many people involved, all with their own ideas and agendas of how things should be. there’s traditions to uphold or break, there’s wallets to consider or not consider, there’s family to appease or defy, there’s friends to make happy or disappoint. 

I remember my own wedding, which in my opinion was a relatively low-budget wedding. I bought my dress on eBay for one, for which I paid $10.

My $10 ensemble

A family friend made my bridesmaids dresses, my mom made the cake and our bouquets, my mother-in-law did the table arrangements, we even went to the Cape wine lands to pick our own wine, which saved us a small amount on the day.

But even after all of the cost-cutting exercises we performed, my wedding still cost over R100,000 (including our budget honeymoon). That is a lot of money in my opinion to spend on one day – yet when I realise what people are spending on their weddings nowadays, it just feels like we have been forced into a world where it’s all about the wedding day, and not about the days thereafter.

I sound like a cynic, I’m really not. I just understand that not everyone can afford an elaborate wedding, gone are the days of one’s parents being expected to foot the bill, most couples pay for their own weddings, and even then, most probably land up going into masses of amounts of debt to cover the finest details.

So what am I saying? I am saying that it’s just one day in the rest of your lives together as a couple, and when the last glass of bubbly has been drunk, and the last song played – you still have the rest of your lives to get on with things. And I can guarantee you that in one, two or ten years time, no one will remember your vanilla sponge and caramel icing cake, unless a stripper jumped out of it, no one will remember what flowers you chose for your hair, no one will remember that your husband forgot his lucky underpants at home – except you. So don’t put so much pressure on yourself, a wedding is a day of celebration and fun, and my motto was – as long as everyone is full, and the music is cool, you’ll have nothing to worry about.

Here’s are some of my thoughts on being and staying married – I hope I remember them in 20 years time when I’m sitting on the couch, our kids away at varsity , watching season 30 of Desperate Housewives, holding Spen’s hand as we fall asleep together at 20:00 on the couch, on a Saturday night – actually I do that nowadays anyway

• Getting married is probably one of the biggest commitments you’ll ever make to someone – but just remember it’s not about the wedding day
• Getting married is the easy part, staying married is the hard part
• Being married is an amazing adventure, you will learn to love someone like you’ve never loved before
• You don’t always have to do things by the book – make up your own rules
• Love each other unconditionally
• Love yourself unconditionally
• Don’t have expectations – and if you do, remember to communicate them upfront
• Never, ever go to bed angry
• It’s ok to disagree, just remember to tolerate each other’s differences and accept them
• If you play together, you’ll stay together – always have fun
• Say “I Love You” as often as you can
• Kiss and hug each other as often as you can
• Cook together
• Don’t backseat drive
• Always have each other’s back - Never belittle each other in front of friends, family or strangers
• Take your time making changes – if you want to keep your surname, do that, if you want to change it, do that – again, make up your own rules
• Make a date night and stick to it
• Stay healthy for yourself and each other
• You don’t always have to be right
• Say sorry when you’re wrong
• Forgive quickly
• Hold hands in public
• Smile at each other across a crowded room
• Pinch each other’s asses and tell each other you’re gorgeous
• Trust each other
• Have no secrets

Keep it real!

xx